My purpose

Purpose is the question that has followed me through every season of my life. It is the question that whispers to me in moments of stillness and rises loudly during moments of doubt. It is the question that sits beneath every other choice I make, guiding me toward something larger than my own self-interest. Purpose is not an accessory that I place on a shelf when I leave my home. It is not separate from my personal or professional identity. It is the center point of my life, a place where the different parts of me meet and form a coherent whole.

When I speak about purpose, I am referring to my deepest reason for being. I am reflecting on why I exist on this earth and what I am called to do with the time I have. I have learned that purpose need not be mysterious. Purpose reveals itself when a person listens closely to the lessons from their own life and the lives of others. Purpose also reveals itself when a person allows their scars and their triumphs to carry equal weight. Understanding purpose requires honesty, reflection, and a willingness to examine one’s entire history with clarity rather than judgment.

How imperfection led me toward purpose

I came to understand purpose through lived experience rather than theory. I reached it through the discomfort of trying to be someone who met others' expectations. I believed for decades that perfection was about pleasing everyone. I believed that perfection meant minimizing my own needs and shaping myself into whatever others wanted. This way of living left me exhausted and disconnected from myself. I carried the belief that I did not belong anywhere. I moved through the world with the constant hope that if I worked hard enough, achieved enough, or showed up flawlessly enough, I would finally know acceptance.

The turning point arrived when I realized that perfection is not the absence of flaws. Perfection is the courage to embrace one’s imperfections fully. When I decided to accept myself exactly as I am, I discovered a truth that has shaped my entire purpose. I want others to feel the safety and liberation that come with belonging. I want every person to know that they have a place in this world, and that their existence is not conditional on approval. I want people to know that they belong within their families, their workplaces, their communities, their schools, their spiritual spaces, and their own hearts.

I also understand that I come from a place of privilege as a white man in a society structured to advantage me. I cannot ignore this reality. My privilege is not something that makes me superior to others. It is a responsibility that requires action. I have accountability to help rebuild systems, cultures, and environments in ways that include everyone. Purpose without accountability is incomplete. Purpose with accountability becomes transformative.

Daily choices, daily purpose

Purpose is not a grand declaration that a person makes once in life. Purpose is a daily practice. It shows up in the smallest interactions and the largest commitments. It defines how I greet the barista who hands me a cup of coffee, how I speak to the person checking my groceries, how I show up for my colleagues, and how I listen to the people I love. Purpose is present in every opportunity to create a connection.

I return often to Maya Angelo’s quote that has guided me:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

This principle shapes my approach to leadership, parenting, friendship, and community. My life’s work is to help create spaces where people know they are seen, valued, and safe. I want people to leave interactions with me feeling more grounded in their worth, not less.

When I look ahead to the end of my life, I hope that my legacy will be clear. I hope that people will say that I helped create a world where belonging was possible for everyone. Not belonging in a passive sense, though rather belonging as an active experience that shapes the quality of a person’s life. Belonging creates confidence, healing, and courage. Belonging allows people to thrive.

The power of intentionality and clarity

Intentionality guides the way I move through the world. It requires presence, care, and attention. The Oxford Dictionary describes intentionality as being deliberate or purposeful. I see intentionality as the art of choosing actions that align with one’s values, identity, and commitments. Being intentional requires preparation. It requires listening with depth. It requires understanding the humanity of the person in front of me. A person cannot show up with intention if they have not invested time and energy into learning who others are.

Clarity accompanies intentionality. The dictionary describes clarity as the quality of being coherent or intelligible. To be clear, a person must know themselves well. Clarity comes from understanding one’s experiences, aspirations, and emotional truth. When I approach others with clarity, I communicate more compassionately and act more responsibly. Clarity prevents misalignment. Clarity strengthens relationships. Clarity ensures authenticity.

Authenticity cannot exist without psychological safety. An environment filled with fear cannot produce connection. An environment filled with curiosity, empathy, and respect allows people to express themselves without hesitation. My purpose, therefore, requires that I cultivate psychological safety in every space I enter.

Claiming my identity through my name

My name, Christopher, reflects the intentional way I choose to live. Insisting on the use of my full name is not about formality. It is about honoring my identity and inviting others to honor theirs. When someone calls me Christopher, I feel grounded, upright, and present. My posture shifts. My breath deepens. My awareness sharpens. I feel understood.

There are moments when hearing the name Chris feels incomplete, even when spoken by family. I understand that for them, the name carries history and affection. I also understand that names have power. They shape how a person sees themselves and how others see them. By choosing Christopher, I choose to affirm my own identity. I choose to respect myself. I also choose to open conversations about the importance of honoring others' names and pronouns. Names are central to belonging. They signal acceptance, dignity, and humanity.

Moments that defined my path

There have been countless moments that clarified my purpose. Experiencing bullying in school because I danced. Hearing from leaders in the Catholic Church that my family structure made me unworthy. I realized that I was a gay man and was experiencing additional rejection. Navigating environments where my identities caused discomfort in others. These moments created pain. They also deepened my desire to help build a world where no one experiences the isolation that I felt.

There were uplifting moments as well. Adopting my children was one of the greatest joys of my life. I knew instantly that I could help give them stability, security, and unconditional love. Surviving cancer taught me the complexity of the medical system and the strength that emerges when a person confronts vulnerability. Growing up on a farm taught me the value of labor, resilience, and nature. Being raised in an Italian family taught me loyalty and generosity. Pursuing education taught me the power of opportunity. These experiences formed the foundation of my leadership and my empathy.

My mother had a significant influence on my sense of self (and still does). She pushed me to reach further than I believed I could. She encouraged my voice and supported my growth. Mentors across my life shaped my understanding of leadership. They modeled the courage and humility I now strive to embody. I also carry gratitude for the activists and trailblazers who paved the way for me to live more freely. Their work created openings that allow me to create openings for others.

Leadership rooted in listening

I define leadership through presence, listening, and intention. Leadership is not about titles or authority. Leadership is about influence, trust, and service. Listening is the cornerstone of leadership. Listening creates understanding. Understanding creates connection. Connection inspires action.

I want to be known as a leader whose actions align with his words. I value the high say-do ratio others have observed in me because I believe integrity is essential to cultivating trust. I see myself as a global citizen. I believe that every human being has inherent dignity. I do not believe anyone’s identity makes them less deserving of opportunity, safety, or belonging.

My purpose is to help create a world where people do not just survive. People deserve to thrive. People deserve to explore their passions, express their truths, and live boldly.

Reflection invitation

As you reflect on this chapter and on the idea of purpose in your own life, I invite you to pause and consider the inner landscape that guides you. Purpose is not merely discovered. Purpose is shaped, challenged, refined, and strengthened by the choices you make and the truths you claim. These questions will help you connect with the meaning that lives within you.

What moments have shaped your understanding of who you are? Think about the experiences that revealed your strengths, tested your confidence, or demanded that you stand in your identity more firmly.

Where have you felt the deepest sense of belonging in your life? Recall the environments, relationships, or communities where you felt seen and valued. Notice what conditions allowed that belonging to grow.

When have you felt disconnected from yourself or others? Consider the times when belonging felt distant or fragile. Reflect on what those moments taught you about your needs, your boundaries, and your resilience.

What values guide your decisions, even when the path is uncertain? Identify the principles that anchor you. These values often reveal the core of your purpose.

How does your identity shape your purpose and the way you show up for others? Acknowledge the parts of your story that have given you empathy, courage, and awareness. Recognize how your lived experience has strengthened your calling.

Where do you feel called to create a sense of belonging in the world? Think about the spaces, people, or systems that could benefit from your voice, your leadership, or your presence. Purpose often becomes clearest when directed toward service.

What legacy do you hope your life will leave? Imagine what you want others to say about how you made them feel. Reflect on the impact you hope your presence will have on the world around you.

The world you are helping to build

Purpose is not a destination. Purpose is an ongoing decision to live with intentionality, clarity, and authenticity. It is the courage to know yourself, to honor your identity, and to create spaces where others can honor theirs. It is choosing to stand firmly in who you are so that others feel empowered to do the same.

As you step forward, remember that your purpose does not need to be perfect. It simply needs to be true. You are building a world through every interaction, every choice, and every moment of presence. Make it a world grounded in belonging. Make it a world where people know they are safe to breathe, grow, and be their full selves.

Your purpose is already within you. This reflection is simply an invitation to see it more clearly.